A Drag King Coping with Election Results
"Navigating Election Results and My Own Mental Maze"
Wow, what a ride. The elections are over, but for so many of us, the feelings keep rolling. Maybe we’re feeling a mixture of relief, fear, and uncertainty—or maybe it’s something even harder to put into words.
This election season has felt like a storm that’s swept through every corner of my life, leaving me emotionally, mentally, and even physically disoriented. For me—and maybe for you too—navigating the results has been like going through a series of acceptance stages, some easier than others.
I know that can leave this knowing that I did what I could for this election, from driving people to the polls and registrations, to yard signs, to adding pro-Harris and anti-Trump to every drag show that I could get into since Biden backed out, but that doesn’t take away the complete disappointment that I am experiencing. I even did a drag me to the polls show, and a few shows without pay to spread the message through my art. Thanks to Randy Rainbow, I wasn’t short on material, but despite my efforts, Harris did not win the election.
I’ve found myself swimming in a sea of feelings: anger, frustration, helplessness, and then, just as quickly, laughter at how ridiculous things can get. There’s a bit of comfort in admitting it: I’m struggling. But maybe in sharing it, we can all feel a little less alone. When asked, I have said that I am bouncing between terror, rage, depression, and denial. It seems like I am going through stages of acceptance, though the denial has been pretty strong.
Stage 1: The Stress Spiral and the Mattress Incident
Let’s start with where the stress really took over and led me down a hilarious path of impulsivity. I was desperate for any distraction, anything to numb out the mental noise, so I turned to… my mattress. You know, that perfectly good, cozy queen mattress I ordered from Nest Bedding. In some moment of delusional clarity, I thought, “What if I just… cut it in half? I could have more space for my drag things, and maybe my place would be more comfortable for visitors!”
So, I got out a bread knife and went at it. Yes, a bread knife. There’s now half a mattress in my room and no clue how to use my sheets on this sliver of a bed I’ve created. I could blame the election stress, but honestly, I think I just needed a project that felt chaotic enough to match my headspace. And hey, it worked… for a minute. Until I realized I still had to sleep on half a bed and had no plan for where the other half would go. (Let’s just say I’m currently accepting suggestions on mattress storage and creative sheet solutions.) I also didn’t consider how expensive a good mattress is, so I am stuck with this.
Stage 2: Wavering Acceptance and Sledgehammer Dreams
Now, cutting up my mattress wasn’t my only moment of stressed-out brilliance. I was this close to taking a sledgehammer to my ceiling because, hey, wouldn’t vaulted ceilings make everything better? I’m sure you’ve been there—one moment, you’re lost in thought, and the next, you’re looking at home renovation tools like they’re the answer to life’s problems. But no, instead, I’ve kept the ceiling intact, probably because I’m in no place financially to be redoing ceilings. Or, you know, cutting mattresses. Or impulsively reorganizing my house five times in one night.
Stage 3: Emotional Burnout, Crying Spells, and the Mess
This brings me to the harder part of acceptance. Between all the chaos, I’ve had to admit to myself that I’m really struggling. I’ve been late to almost everything, procrastinated on important work, and let my home slip into a state that can only be described as “creatively chaotic.” I’ve even had to reset my sobriety time, which feels heavy to admit. I’ve been having crying spells, the kind that come out of nowhere and remind me of all the bottled-up emotions I’ve been trying to ignore.
And while my coping mechanisms—like obsessing over my next drag number, starting six new drag costumes, mattress-slicing, last minute song changes, reorganizing all night, isolating from friends and community, and considering demolition projects—have numbed my mind for brief moments, they’re not really doing the trick. The truth is, I’ve been putting a lot of pressure on myself to keep it together, to be productive, and to maintain some level of calm when my brain feels like it’s in survival mode. But the harder I try to ignore these feelings, the more they seem to bubble up.
Stage 4: Moving Forward, One Tiny Step at a Time
So, what’s next? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m taking things day by day, allowing myself to feel, and resisting the urge to take more household objects to pieces. I’m trying to accept where I’m at, without adding the extra pressure to “fix” everything right away. My solitude is comfortable and healing, but it’s important for me to remember to get out and enjoy the community too. Social media has been a double edge sword, and I am learning to filter the negative but I want to try to get better at setting time limits. If I’ve learned anything from this experience, it’s that healing doesn’t happen in a straight line. Sometimes it looks like setting down the sledgehammer and leaving the ceiling alone. Sometimes it looks like holding onto half a mattress and letting yourself cry, knowing that it’s okay not to have it all together.
To anyone else out there struggling right now, I see you. This is tough, and it’s okay to admit it. You’re not alone, even if you’re staring at undone projects, a filthy house, and destroyed furniture, wondering what on earth possessed you. Just know we’re in this together, messes, crying spells, bread knives, and all, so here is a list of some things that I am trying to do to get through this…
"Staying Grounded and Hopeful: A Drag King’s Reflection on Moving Forward After the Election"
As a drag king, an artist, and a part of a community that has often felt the impact of political changes personally, I get it. It’s easy to feel a weight pressing down after such an intense time. But here’s what I’ve been trying to do to keep grounded and hopeful, and maybe it’ll help you too.
1. Let Yourself Feel What You Feel
First things first— I am giving myself permission to feel everything. Whatever’s coming up for you, whether it’s anger, sadness, hope, or even numbness, it’s valid. Our feelings aren’t always logical, but they’re real. As a performer, I channel these feelings into my work; I’ve found that expressing them can sometimes be the only way to understand them. You don’t have to perform your emotions for anyone, but don’t feel pressured to brush them off either.
2. Surround Yourself with Community
No one gets through tough times alone. When things feel heavy, I lean on my community. Talk to those who understand, who know what it’s like to feel vulnerable or exposed after an event like this. Lean on the people who want to see you thrive, even if they don’t always have the answers. Sometimes just sharing space with others, virtually or in person, can make the world feel a little more manageable.
3. Focus on Small Wins and Self-Care
It’s natural to want to fix everything at once or wish we could snap our fingers to make things better. But in the meantime, focusing on small wins—things we can accomplish in our own lives or our own communities—can bring real positivity into our day-to-day. That might mean supporting a local cause, doing a number that feels cathartic, or even just taking care of ourselves in the simplest ways. I am going to set up a March in my town and plan to attend the women’s march on January 18th (google it). Remember, it’s okay to take time for yourself; burnout doesn’t help anyone.
4. Keep the Conversation Going
Election cycles come and go, but the issues often remain. Sometimes, our art can open up conversations that are healing or even inspiring. I know not everyone has a platform, but we all have our own unique voice. I intend on keeping my drag platform focused on equity and politically biased even though it has affected my tips at a couple of shows and a prominent performer in my area suggested that I stay away from politics commenting that he hasn’t ever done a political post in his over two decades of performing. Maybe it’s not a drag performance—maybe it’s a conversation with a friend, a family member, or a post on social media. Use your voice in whatever way feels natural to you. I have felt silenced for the past 16 years, and I am done submitting to that. I’ve found that talking about things, even when it’s hard, helps me feel connected to something bigger.
5. Look for the Helpers (Or Be One)
It’s cliché, but as Mr. Rogers said, “Look for the helpers.” They’re out there. After elections, when things feel divided, there are always people working for good—whether it’s supporting LGBTQIA+ rights, promoting mental health, advocating for healthcare, or fighting for equality. We can be part of that positive force. Each of us has a part to play, big or small, and the more we remember that, the more empowered we feel.
6. Remember: We’ve Made It This Far
This isn’t our first rough moment, and it probably won’t be our last. But we’ve made it through so much already. The drag community, the LGBTQIA+ community, all of us together—our resilience is something to be proud of. We’ve faced obstacles, discrimination, fear, and hatred. And yet, we’re still here, creating, loving, supporting each other, and growing. So whatever happens next, remember that resilience. It’s always with us, guiding us through even the darkest times.
Stay Hopeful, Stay Fabulous
Ultimately, it’s okay not to have it all figured out. For now, let’s take it one day at a time. Keep expressing yourself, keep showing up for your friends, and keep celebrating who you are. The power of being a drag king, a part of the queer community, and a fierce, unstoppable individual isn’t something that any election can take away. We’ve got each other, and together, we’ve got this.
