Drag Families: Finding Your Monarchy
Hello again gorgeous humans! If you've ever dreamed of strutting your stuff in a spotlight brighter than your aspirations or contouring your face to rival a Frida painting, then you're in the right place. Today, we're diving headfirst into the shimmer abyss to uncover the secrets of choosing your very own drag family – your genes can’t compete with a true drag family.
What's a Drag Family?
Your drag family is your ride-or-die crew, your fierce squad of fabulousness, your personal cheerleaders in rhinestones. It’s a close-knit group of drag performers who come together to form a supportive and nurturing community. Much like a traditional family, drag families often have established hierarchies and relationships, with more experienced performers taking on mentorship roles for newer members. These relationships are often marked by titles such as "mother/father/parent," "sister/brother/sibling," or "daughter/son/child," although the specific titles and dynamics can vary widely within different drag families.
The concept of a drag family goes beyond mere performance partnerships – it's about creating a sense of belonging and camaraderie within the drag community. Drag families offer support, guidance, and encouragement to their members as they navigate their drag journey, whether it's advice on makeup techniques, assistance with costume design, or emotional support during times of personal struggle.
For many drag performers, especially those who are just starting out, finding a drag family can be a crucial step in their development within the drag community. Drag families provide a sense of community and belonging that can be incredibly empowering, helping performers to grow both artistically and personally.
It's important to note that drag families come in all shapes and sizes, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach to forming or joining one. Some drag families are formalized with established rules and traditions, while others are more loosely defined, based on mutual respect and support. What matters most is finding a group of individuals who uplift and inspire you, and who share your passion for drag performance and culture.
Whether you're a seedling of a performer or a seasoned diva, having a drag family is like having an extreme support system with better hair and way more contour.
The Importance of Drag Fam
Joining a drag family is like deciding whether to add glitter to your look – totally optional, but oh-so-fabulous if you do! Trust me, it's a personal journey, like choosing between fierce cat-eye flamboyance or a real boi mustache. There are ups and downs.
I'm beyond grateful that I stumbled into the fabulousness of my drag family. It's like finding the perfect hairspray – once you've got it, you wonder how you ever lived without it!
So here's why diving into a drag family is (in my opinion) the best decision you'll ever make:
Brainstorming Brilliance: Need a sounding board for your next show-stopping performance idea? Look no further than your drag family. They're like your personal brainstorming committee, ready to bounce around ideas faster than you can say "werk!"
Mastering the Drag Dictionary: Ever felt like you're lost in a sea of drag lingo? Fear not! Your drag family will school you on all the fabulous terminology, from "death drop" to "fishy realness"(and why that specific term is offensive). Consider it Drag 101 with a side of fierce. As you grow into drag, you will end up teaching each other. Drag is always evolving, so one person can’t possible know everything, make sure to keep your circle wide and don’t lean solely on your drag family.
Drag Diversity: Drag comes in more flavors than jelly beans. With a drag family by your side, you'll learn all about the different forms of drag, from pageants to performance art and everything in between. Consider it a crash course in dragology, and education is always beneficial.
Setting Goals and Slaying Them: Got big dreams? Your drag family will help you turn those dreams into reality quick. They'll coach you on setting goals, reaching for the stars, and slaying the stage like the fierce performer you were born to be. My family was instrumental in helping me build my talent number for my pageant and guess what? I took first in talent and first alternate in the pageant!
Makeup and Costume Couture: Contouring got you feeling confused? It’s all good… Your drag family will share their knowledge on makeup techniques, costume design, and how to serve looks that'll have the whole room gawking. First up, let's talk impersonation techniques – we're talking padding, binding, packing, and chest plates. It's like a drag performer’s version of DIY home improvement, except instead of fixing a leaky faucet, you're creating the illusion of curves and cleavage. And don't even get me started on wigs! Knowing what kind, how to wear it, how much to spend, and where to find them… your drag family can help with all of that. Now, when it comes to hairspray, honey, you gotta find the good stuff – the kind that'll keep your hair glued through hurricanes and tornadoes. Trust me, you'll wanna stock up by the case so you benefit from having some people that you can count on to tell you where to go for the good stuff. Oh, and primer? It's like the magic potion that keeps your makeup looking flawless from dawn 'til dusk. Think of it as the foundation for your foundation – without it, your face is just a canvas waiting to be smudged, and family will suggest quality, brand, and technique. When you join a family, they don’t want you looking like trash because you are a reflection of them.
Performance Perfection: Want to know the secret to a killer performance setup? Your drag family has you covered, from highlighting tricks to stage presence and everything in between. Consider it your backstage pass to performance perfection. It’s amazing how different my makeup looks backstage to in spotlight, I was washed out until my drag sister gave me some highlighting tips, and I had no idea that I was poking my tongue out like a toddler until my drag mother mentioned it.
Networking: Need to expand your drag circle? Your drag family will introduce you to other fierce performers. My drag mother suggested a few kings that I could talk to for advice on king specific contour and binding techniques that she didn’t have experience with, and my drag sister sent me some Instagram profiles to follow for better beard shaping. No one person will know all that there is to know, so be open to learning from other people as well. Consider it networking within a fabulous drag galaxy.
Opportunities Galore: From drag competitions to gigs and beyond, your drag family will clue you in on all the hottest opportunities. Consider it your VIP ticket to drag stardom. I didn’t know about the open stage opportunities outside of my small community until my drag family took me out on a road trip and reached out to the show host to see if I could join the open stage that night. I am so fortunate to have so much support with my family.
Feedback and Advice: Ever feel like your performance is slaying, but your makeup is betraying? Your drag family is the safe space you need to get honest feedback. Consider it constructive criticism with a side of love. Unsolicited feedback is very off-putting. My unspoken agreement with my drag family is that they can give me all of the feedback and advice and I am receptive to it, because I go to them for mentorship and I trust that they won’t hurt my feelings. They also are the people that will gas me up if I am down and need a boost. Every time I am having a meltdown, I call my drag mother because she is someone that I trust unequivocally. I also get a lot of feedback from judges at competitions. If they don’t give me written feedback, then most of the time they are receptive to a message on Facebook. That is feedback that I am seeking out and open to.
So, why join a drag family? Because in this world of rhinestones and glitter beards, there's nothing more fabulous than having that safe and close-knit group of people that you can always count on. Whether you're craving structure, autonomy, or just a whole lot of glitter, your drag family is the fierce support system you need to conquer the stage and slay the game. So grab your wig and let's get ready to dance the soles of our boots off, because with a drag family by your side, the sky's the limit!
Aside from the obvious perks of having a squad that can contour a face to perfection, your drag fam is your backstage pass to the wild ride that is drag culture. They'll cheer you on when you're feeling fierce, offer tissues when you're having a meltdown, and remind you to bind your tits when you forget – because let's face it, we've all been there.
How to Find Your Fabulous Fam
Now, onto the juicy stuff – how do you go about finding your drag fam?
Slay the Scene: Dive headfirst into the glittery abyss that is your local drag scene. Attend shows, events, and brunches – basically, anywhere that serves cocktails and stellar performances.
Stalk Your Heroes: Find drag performers who inspire you and make you cackle like a hyena on laughing gas. Follow them on social media, slide into their DMs (respectfully, of course), and soak up their wisdom like a sponge.
Make Connections: Strike up conversations, share your love for drag, and let your neon flag fly high. The more connections you make, the more likely you are to stumble upon your future drag family.
Trust Your Gut: When it comes to choosing your drag family, trust your instincts. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, make you laugh until you snort, and remind you that you're fabulous AF – because let's be real, anything less is just basic.
Offer to Help: If you find someone that tickles your taint (metaphorically), and they are open to conversation, see if they will let you help them out a little bit. You can offer to grab them drinks, carry their suitcases, don their costumes, and walk them to their cars. Spending some time helping out gets you exposure to the nonperformance parts of drag, and will build a relationship that can lead to mentorship and family. Don’t be offended if you are rejected by a performer, there are many reasons that someone might not be in a place to take on a drag baby. Taking on a drag child is like adopting a messy, glittery little diva – it's a big responsibility! A drag mentor might shower their drag baby with attention and wisdom, answering so many questions and giving up so much of their time. But it's not for the faint of heart. Trust me, trying to turn a baby queen/king into a fabulous performer is like trying to do your makeup in a broken mirror – messy and downright chaotic.
And let's talk about quantity versus quality. Taking on too many drag children is like trying to juggle forks – sooner or later, you're gonna drop stab yourself. So, many performers might be doing you a favor by turning you down. It is also important for your drag mentor to be seasoned in drag. If they are too new then it would be a disservice to both of you if they assume that they can help you when they are still learning themselves.
Choosing my Drag Family…
I am a drag king (duh). I have a drag mother – a queen that mentors me in drag - Miss Flo NoMo’. I also have drag sisters and brothers – queens and kings that share a drag mother with me. Most of the time, a drag family will share their last name. My drag family does not share the last name, but some of us have found a way to relate to the last name.
Some families have structured hierarchies and rules thicker than Ms. Blackberry’s padding, and some are as loose as a drag queen's corset after Thanksgiving dinner. But me? I found my home in a family that's somewhere in the middle, setting me up for success and offering me the autonomy that I wanted.
I joined because, well, who wouldn't want to be part of a fabulous family of fierce queens and kings? But mostly because Miss Flo NoMo’ is amazing – she's like a mix between Dolly Parton and Fortune Feimster, plus she's got a personality that's bigger than the stage at DragCon! I have a lot of respect for her and her professionalism and knowledge in the drag scene. She agreed to mentor me and accepted me into the family. Moreover, she has been there for me in many other aspects of life and was a cherished friend long before I even dared to tiptoe into the dazzling realm of drag, so placing my trust in her was as natural as breathing.
I hit the jackpot… My entire drag family is a whole vibe of love and support. My sister, Ashlynn Rose, and I? We're like two peas in a shimmering pod sharing costumes, helping each other dress, and recommending music. In my family, we hit the road for shows, and glam up together like it's nobody's business.
We're not just about the glitz and glam – we're there for each other through thick and thin. And when the going gets tough, we've got each other's backs… when I am having a mental breakdown, they are there for me without judgement.
So it’s not just about drag. My family cheers me on in my sobriety journey and we support each others’ career dreams. Plus, we're total foodies – you'll catch us tearing up the town and eating our weight in Mexican or at a Chinese buffet. We also get together to support arts in other forms like going to plays and open mic nights, live music and fine arts gallery showings.
When life throws us a curveball, we're there for each other, no questions asked. From celebrating our victories to wiping away tears during meltdowns, we're a fierce squad of support. It's not just a family – it's a full-blown fabulous frenzy, and I wouldn't trade it for all the boba tea in the universe.
In the end, joining a drag family is like finding your fairy godmother/father in a sea of stepsiblings – it's all about finding someone who's got your back, your front, your pads, and your packer. So grab your suitcase, and let's trot into the sunset together – because with a drag family by your side, the world is your runway!
Embrace the Madness
Once you've found your tribe of glittery misfits, it's time to dive headfirst into the madness. Collaborate on performances, swap makeup tips like trading cards, and support each other through thick and thin – because at the end of the day, your drag fam is your chosen family, your tribe of fierce warriors in gowns and suits.
So if you're ready to dip into the fabulous world of drag families, just remember: it's all about finding your sparkle tribe, your glitter gang, your fierce fam of fabulousness. So grab your iridescent fanny pack, because the journey to finding your drag family is about to get wilder than a drag queen's wig on a windy day.
