Is Drag Sex?

Debunking the Myths About Drag and Sex

Hey friends, I wanted to address the misconception that drag is synonymous with sex. Let’s dive deep into a topic that’s been misunderstood, twisted, and downright sensationalized by some corners of society. I’m talking about drag entertainers and the persistent, misguided notion that drag is inherently sexual or that we as drag artists are sex workers. I’d like to clear the air with my understanding of drag and start the conversation within our community so that I and we can better explain it to those that are not exposed to this artform and have the wrong idea about what it is.

The Misconception: Drag = Sex Work?

There’s this pervasive idea floating around that drag entertainers are synonymous with sex workers, which they’re not at all! Sure, there are drag performers who might also be sex workers, just like there are teachers, accountants, and baristas who might be sex workers. But to lump all drag artists into the category of sex workers is not only incorrect but also a gross oversimplification.

Drag is an art form. It’s an incredible spectacle that encompasses everything from lip-syncing to comedy, from dance to fashion, and fundraising to activism... It’s about creating characters, telling stories, and pushing the boundaries of gender expression. It’s about self-expression and performance, not solicitation.

Let’s Talk About Sex Work

Before we go any further, let’s make one thing crystal clear: there is no shame in sex work. Sex workers deserve respect, rights, and safety just like anyone else. The point here is not to shame sex work but to clarify that drag and sex work are distinct entities. Conflating the two does a disservice to both drag entertainers and sex workers by erasing the unique challenges and contributions of each group.

Is Drag Inherently Sexual?

This idea that drag is inherently sexual is a misconception that likely stems from the fact that drag can sometimes include risqué humor or provocative outfits. But here’s the thing: not all drag is sexual, just like not all comedy is dirty and not all dance is suggestive.

Drag can be family-friendly, it can be political, it can be purely artistic... we don’t have boundaries that we must adhere to. For every raunchy drag show in a nightclub, there’s a drag queen reading storybooks to children at a library, and a drag king hosting a panel at a fundraising event. Drag is diverse, multifaceted, and, most importantly, adaptable to different audiences and settings.

The Conservative Right’s Narrative

Certain factions of society have been quick to jump on the “drag is dangerous” bandwagon, using the narrative that drag is inherently sexual as a tool to oppress and marginalize the LGBTQ+ community and create laws to oppress us. They argue that drag is perverted and unsafe for children, conveniently ignoring the rich, varied landscape of drag performance.

This narrative is not only misleading but also harmful. It perpetuates stigma, fuels discrimination, and seeks to erase the visibility of drag entertainers who are simply living their truth and entertaining audiences.

Drag is an Art Form, Not a Danger

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the artistry of drag. Whether it’s a king transforming with impeccable makeup and a killer suit or a queen donning a gown that could rival any red carpet look, drag is a celebration of creativity and self-expression. Men and nonbinary people wearing makeup and fabulous outfits isn’t dangerous; it’s liberating… Women embracing masculinity isn’t threatening, it’s fun… All genders exploring the wide range of gender identities through art and performance is not inherently dangerous; rather, it’s fascinating and enriches our beautiful culture and diversity. Drag provides a space for individuals to passionately tell their stories and explore their identities. It can even help people discover what feels right for their own gender expression if they need to. Drag is about breaking down the rigid walls of gender norms and celebrating the spectrum of human identity.

Gender Specific Apparel

Clothing is only gendered because society has decided it should be. Historically, high heels were men’s fashion, and makeup was a symbol of status and power worn by many a distinguished gentleman. Fashion evolves, and so do our perceptions of gender… so let’s help society evolve past the outdated misconception about drag.

Drag in Public Spaces and Around Children

One of the most contentious issues is the presence of drag in public spaces and around children. Critics argue that drag is inappropriate for young audiences. But let’s think about this: kids are exposed to all sorts of gender-bending characters in cartoons and movies. Think of Mulan, who saves China by disguising herself as a man, or Bugs Bunny, who frequently dons a dress for comedic effect. Drag is no different. It’s about storytelling, creativity, and imagination.

A drag persona is a character that has been created by the drag artist. At an event that includes minors, the drag character is involved in whatever activity is taking place. We understand that this is not the venue for political debates and explicit performances.

Drag Queen Story Hour, for example, has been a wonderful initiative that brings drag queens into libraries to read stories to children. It’s not about pushing an agenda; it’s about celebrating diversity and showing kids that it’s okay to have fun… Nobody bats an eye at the Cinderella and Peter Pan taking pictures with children at Disneyland. Events like drag queen story hour are carefully curated to be age-appropriate and focus on themes like acceptance, kindness, and love… where is the harm in teaching children to be kind?

The Role of Humor and Joy in Drag

Drag is all about joy and laughter. Picture a person strutting down the street in six-inch heels, a wig that defies gravity, and makeup so flawless it could make a supermodel weep. Is this a danger to society? Hardly. It’s fabulous, it’s fun, and it’s a reminder that life is too short to be taken too seriously. The gender of the person being their fabulous selves doesn’t matter… especially when that person is just sharing their art and color with the world. I especially love when performers are comedic.

Humor is a powerful tool in drag. It disarms, it connects, and it opens minds. Through laughter, drag performers challenge stereotypes, question societal norms, and create a space where everyone can feel accepted and celebrated.

Breaking Down Gender Norms

At its core, drag is about breaking down gender norms and challenging the binary ideas of male and female. When a drag king takes the stage in a sharp suit and perfectly styled hair, or a drag queen dazzles in a sequined dress and sky-high heels, they’re saying, “Gender is a construct, and I’m here to deconstruct it.” Taken further than that, a non-binary performer can showcase exaggeration of both genders or mask all of it to make the statement that art doesn’t require a gender focus.

People of all genders can wear clothes that make them feel fabulous. Whether it’s a man in a dress, a woman in a tuxedo, or a nonbinary person in whatever makes them feel seen and powerful, clothing is an expression of identity, not a fixed category.

Personal Experiences

Recently, a couple of people I care about very much compared drag to sex work, stating that all drag shows are men with huge boobs humping people and doing strip teases because of the videos that they had seen on Instagram… They've never even been to a drag show! This goes back to the over-representation of one form of drag that feeds into the conservative right's narrative of drag entertainers being dangerous.

As an aspiring comedy king, I can tell you firsthand that this stereotype is far from the truth. I have a few numbers that are for adult-only shows because some songs aren’t appropriate for children, or because the number is too political, or I make a crude joke about menstruation during the number. I mean… my name is Max E. Pad, so those jokes are inevitable. But the majority of my drag is either theatric or campy. It’s fun, energetic, expressive art—not sex work.

It's disheartening when people make sweeping generalizations without giving you a chance to explain what drag actually is. It’s like they’ve decided to judge a book by its Instagram feed without ever cracking open the cover. Shaking off the shame that settled into my heart after a family member made that remark hasn’t been easy. Logically, I know I have nothing to feel ashamed about, but that pesky subconscious emotional part of me has been pretty heavy lately… to reiterate – there is no shame in sex work. I believe my subconscious shame comes from the societal label attached to that vocation, and that someone I care about thinks that my artform is perverted or that I need to go back into the proverbial closet because I am a drag artist. I don’t want to have to hide again, and drag isn’t something that should stay out of conversations just because we are in public or someone won’t agree, or there are kids around.

Common sense tells me that I won’t discuss sexual activity with family or in public and around kids… but when this person said “you don’t need to bring that up, I don’t go up to our family and say ‘hey I like when **(boyfriend)** bends me over and….’” It hurt my feelings. It felt like I once again had something to hide, but she doesn’t know about the other forms of drag – she doesn’t know that I am using my drag as an activist platform to participate in a movement to promote more equality and peace in the world while sharing some joy and humor. She doesn’t know the acceptance and inclusivity that I feel in this community that is taken for granted by people that haven’t experienced life as a queer person… People that haven’t felt the need to hide in a closet… People don’t know what it’s like to have spent a good amount of their lives confused about why they were so uncomfortable in their skin… because without exposure to queer identifying people, we didn’t know that we related to that… We haven’t been represented in society and the media so we have to go through a whole self-discovery journey to figure out our orientation that heterosexual and cisgendered people are privileged to have avoided – and that’s a whole lot of time for some of us…

So I haven’t always felt accepted in… life. I have felt different and defective in some way until I found drag. And it’s disheartening to think that some people believe that drag is some free for all, where we just do whatever we want to each other and accept unacceptable treatment.

I believe that this incorrect idea of a relation between drag and sex leads to audience members violating our space as performers as well. It’s easier for us to accept it as performers than to address it, but that’s not the right answer. It feels so much like having my boss cross the line, but I don’t feel like I can say anything without losing my job because women are viewed as the problem. In drag I feel like I might lose my audience, tips, and bookings. Ultimately, I need to stand up for the autonomy of myself and my fellow performers, because silently accepting that kind of treatment perpetuates the behavior.

Consent in Drag: Respecting Boundaries

Consent is crucial in drag performances, just as it is in any interaction. Just because we are entertainers doesn’t mean our bodies are available for groping or any other form of unsolicited contact. It’s equally important for us as performers to respect the boundaries of our audience members. This means reading body language and respecting when someone says no, waves us off, or shakes their head.

I remember participating in a judged drag competition when I was very new, and the feedback I received was that I was too handsy with the audience. The judge warned that this could go very badly very quickly. During that performance, I interacted with two audience members: one was a close friend who enjoys interaction with performers, and the other was a fellow performer and friend. After receiving the feedback, I asked both if I had violated their boundaries in any way. They assured me that everything was consensual. However, the judge didn’t know about my relationship with these individuals. Unfortunately, I have been very bothered by that feedback… that’s a heavy accusation for me to carry as someone that has experienced sexual assault in my own life.

Since then, I’ve become overly cautious during my performances, always in my head, worried about crossing a line. This anxiety takes away from the energy and spontaneity of my performance. It’s beneficial when show hosts announce expectations before the show, letting the audience know how to communicate if they don’t want the attention. Clear guidelines can help create a safe and respectful environment for everyone. For more on the subject of sexual assault, check out my blog post for Sexual Assault Awareness Month addressing how I cope - Sexual Assault Awareness Month and How This Drag King Copes — Max E. Pad - Drag King (maxepad.com)

A Violation and Its Impact

There was one incident that left a lasting impact on me. During a performance, a man shoved his hands down the front of my pants. In the moment, I froze… then I went into a fun-loving and intoxicated character separated from myself. (I was and am sober, just went into an odd character as an instant coping strategy and PTSD triggered reaction). It was a completely violating experience that threw me off my game. Since then, I’ve been on guard, always looking out to ensure I’m not violated again during a performance. This vigilance, while necessary for my safety, keeps me in my head and detracts from the art and joy of drag. I am still working on pulling the fun back in while being able to keep myself protected, because unfortunately this is something that we have to keep ourselves mindful of. If you want to read more about consent in drag performances, check out this blog post: Respecting Boundaries: The Importance of Consent in Drag Performances — Max E. Pad - Drag King (maxepad.com)

Embracing Diversity in Drag

One of the most beautiful aspects of drag is its diversity. There are so many different styles and genres of drag, each with its own unique flair. From the glamour queens who look like they stepped out of a Hollywood movie to the punk kings who bring a raw, edgy vibe to the stage, drag is a celebration of individuality and creativity.

As an aspiring comedy king, my performances are often campy and filled with humor. I love making people laugh and bringing joy to my audience. Sure, some of my numbers might be a bit risqué, but that’s the nature of comedy—pushing boundaries and challenging norms. It’s not about being sexual; it’s about being provocative in a way that makes people think and laugh.

The Importance of Understanding and Acceptance

What we need more of is understanding and acceptance. Instead of jumping to conclusions based on a few clips seen on social media, it’s important to experience drag in its full context. Attend a drag show, talk to drag performers, and learn about the different styles and forms of drag. You’ll quickly see that drag is much more than the narrow, sexualized portrayal that some people have in their minds.

Drag is about community, creativity, and expression. It’s about breaking down barriers and showing the world that there’s no one right way to be. Whether you’re a glamorous queen, a punk king, or a campy comedy performer, there’s a place for you in the world of drag.

Embrace the Fabulous

So, let’s put these misconceptions to bed once and for all. Drag entertainers are not inherently sexual, nor are they synonymous with sex workers. They’re artists, performers, and storytellers who use their craft to entertain, educate, and inspire. The conservative right’s attempts to paint drag as dangerous and perverted are nothing more than a tool of oppression, aimed at marginalizing an already vulnerable community.

Let’s celebrate the diversity and creativity of drag. Let’s applaud the courage it takes to step onto that stage and defy societal norms. And let’s remember that clothing, makeup, and self-expression are for everyone, regardless of gender. After all, life is a drag—so let’s make it a fabulous one.

Remember, the next time you see a drag performer, know that they’re not just putting on a show; they’re making a statement. They’re telling the world that it’s okay to be different, it’s okay to be bold, and it’s okay to be unapologetically yourself. So let’s all take a page from the drag playbook and embrace our own fabulousness!!