Pronouns: A Guide to Respecting a Drag Artist’s Pronouns

The Art of Pronouns: A Guide to Respecting a Drag Performers’ Pronouns

Hey friends! Welcome to the fabulous world of drag!! In this colorful community filled with energy, attitude, and artistic expression, there's an essential aspect that often goes unnoticed by the uninitiated: pronouns. Yes, those little words that carry a lot of weight and significance. Whether you're a seasoned drag aficionado or a curious newcomer, understanding and respecting pronouns is vital. So, grab your fabulous fans and feather boas, and let’s dive into the dazzling subject of drag pronouns!

The Basics of Pronouns

Before we get into the glitz and glamour, let's start with the basics. Pronouns are words used to refer to people without using their names. Common pronouns include he/him, she/her, and they/them. In the drag community, pronouns can be fluid and may change depending on whether a performer is in or out of drag. This flexibility is a beautiful expression of the diversity and creativity that drag embodies.

Why Pronouns Matter

Pronouns are more than just words; they are an extension of a person's identity. Using the correct pronouns is a sign of respect and acknowledgment. It's like getting someone's name right—simple, yet profoundly impactful. Misgendering someone, even unintentionally, can be hurtful and invalidating. So if you want to be a true ally to the drag community, getting pronouns right is very important.

My Journey with Pronouns

Let’s get personal for a moment. I use he/him pronouns when I'm in drag and she/her pronouns when I'm out of drag. This duality allows me to embrace different facets of my identity. In drag, I channel the bold, masculine energy of a king, strutting my stuff with confidence. Out of drag, I revert to my everyday self, embracing the woman I am. This fluidity is common in the drag world, where performers often play with gender norms and expectations.

As a predominantly androgynous person both in and out of drag, I have delved into the expression of non-binary and gender fluidity. While it doesn't quite fit me right now, my mind is open, and I will continue to explore my own identity. Currently, my expression is very gender fluid. When I am not in drag, I am a cisgender female, and when I am in drag, I present as a male drag king.

Having experienced oppression and discrimination as a woman, it is validating to hear she/her pronouns in my everyday life, as it reaffirms my capability and relevance as a woman. When performing as a king, I work hard to exaggerate my masculine features while embracing a flamboyant and slightly androgynous style. Using he/him pronouns gives me a sense of validation in this persona.

In the queen-dominated drag world, hearing he/him pronouns when a host refers to me makes me feel as significant as the queens. This acknowledgment is crucial, as it highlights my efforts and reinforces my identity within the drag community.

Asking for Pronouns: The Do's and Don'ts

Now, you might be wondering, "How do I ask someone for their pronouns without making it awkward?" Here’s a short guide to asking for pronouns with grace and style:

Do:

Be Polite: Start with a simple, respectful question. "What pronouns do you use?" is straightforward and effective.

Be Inclusive: Share your own pronouns first. This sets a positive example and shows that you respect the importance of pronouns. "Hi, I'm [Your Name], and I use [Your Pronouns]. What pronouns do you use?"

Be Nonchalant: Treat it like any other part of getting to know someone. The more casual and normal you make it, the more comfortable everyone will feel.

Be Apologetic (If Necessary): If you make a mistake, apologize quickly and move on. "I'm sorry, I meant [correct pronoun]."

Don't:

Don't Assume: Don’t assume someone's pronouns based on their appearance. Gender expression and identity are not always aligned.

Don't Make It a Big Deal: If someone corrects you, thank them and move on. Prolonging the moment can make it awkward for everyone involved.

Don't Ignore Pronouns: Once you know someone's pronouns, use them. Consistently using the wrong pronouns after being corrected is disrespectful.

Pronouns in the Drag Community

In the drag community, pronouns can be as fluid and dynamic as the performers themselves. Here’s a closer look at how pronouns play out in this fabulous community:

Drag Kings: These performers often use he/him pronouns when in drag, embodying masculinity in their performances. Out of drag, their pronouns might change based on their personal identity. For instance, I use he/him in drag but revert to she/her out of drag. This duality allows for a full expression of my gender.

Drag Queens: Similarly, drag queens might use she/her pronouns while in drag to align with their glamorous, feminine personas. Out of drag, they might use he/him or other pronouns that reflect their everyday identity, or they might continue to use she/her.

Non-Binary Performers: Many drag performers identify as non-binary and might use they/them pronouns both in and out of drag – or they/them might be used only in drag or out of drag. Their performances often challenge and blur the traditional gender norms, creating a space for fluidity and exploration.

Gender-Fluid Performers: Some performers might shift between different pronouns depending on the day or their current expression. This fluidity allows them to explore and present various facets of their identity.

Why Pronouns in Drag Matter

Understanding and respecting pronouns in the drag community is crucial for several reasons:

Validation: Using the correct pronouns validates a performer's identity and expression. It shows that you see and respect them for who they are.

Inclusivity: The drag community thrives on inclusivity and diversity. Respecting pronouns fosters a welcoming and supportive environment for everyone.

Empowerment: Pronouns are a powerful tool for self-expression. When performers choose their pronouns, they assert control over their identity and how they are perceived.

Respect: At its core, using the correct pronouns is about respect. It’s a small but significant way to show that you value and honor someone’s identity.

Navigating Pronouns at Drag Shows

Attending a drag show can be an exhilarating experience filled with jaw-dropping performances and electric energy. But, amidst all the excitement, it’s essential to remember the importance of pronouns. Here are some tips for navigating pronouns at drag shows:

Pay Attention to Introductions: Many performers will introduce themselves and share their pronouns at the beginning of their acts. Listen carefully and make a mental note.

Ask Politely: If you’re unsure of a performer’s pronouns, it’s okay to ask politely. Remember the tips from earlier and approach the question with respect.

Use Stage Names: If pronouns are unclear, using a performer’s stage name is a safe bet. This shows respect for their persona without assuming their pronouns.

Be Observant: Pay attention to how others refer to the performers. This can give you clues about their pronouns.

Pronouns and Drag Terminology

To truly immerse yourself in the drag world, it's helpful to familiarize yourself with some common terminology. Understanding these terms can enhance your appreciation and respect for the art form:

Cisgender: A person whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth.

Transgender: A person whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.

Non-Binary: A person who does not identify exclusively as male or female. They might use they/them pronouns or other gender-neutral pronouns.

Gender-Fluid: A person whose gender identity shifts over time or depending on the situation.

Misgender: Referring to someone using incorrect pronouns or gendered language.

Deadname: The birth name of a transgender person that they no longer use. Using a person’s deadname is considered disrespectful.

The Power of Pronouns

To illustrate the importance of pronouns, let’s dive into some personal stories from the drag community. These anecdotes highlight the impact of pronouns on performers' lives and identities.

Story 1: The Confidence Boost

Meet Max, a drag king who uses he/him pronouns in drag and she/her pronouns out of drag. Max shared, "Using he/him pronouns while performing gives me a surge of confidence. It's like stepping into a powerful alter ego. When people respect my pronouns, it validates my performance and my identity."

Story 2: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

Bella, a drag queen who uses she/her pronouns in drag and he/him pronouns out of drag, had a different experience. "It took me a while to find the courage to correct people when they misgendered me. But once I did, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Now, when I'm on stage, I embrace my femininity fully, knowing that my pronouns are respected."

Story 3: The Non-Binary Experience

Clare Gogerly, a non-binary performer who uses they/them pronouns, shared, "I use they/them in and out of drag as I love being non binary and not fitting in one particular box and being able to get gender fluid in all aspects of life."

Story 4: Gender Fluidity in Safe Spaces

My friend Agony Galore, a fluid drag artist uses any and all pronouns, embracing queer expression in all forms! “I use any pronouns in drag because sometimes I'm queen, sometimes I'm king, sometimes I'm androgynous, and I personally don't expect other people to keep up with something that can switch so often.

Outside of drag my pronouns depend on who I'm talking to. I've been out as transmasc/nonbinary for about 9 years, but recently realized that I do like being a woman sometimes. The problem with that is that a lot of cishet people will use my femininity (including the fact that I'm a queen) as a reason to disregard the rest of my gender. So when I'm talking to most cishet people, my pronouns are he/they.

When I'm with friends or in predominantly queer spaces, I go back to using any pronouns because I feel safe around other people in the community, knowing that no matter how they perceive me, they see that I am first and foremost: queer.”

Story 5: Out of this World Flexibility

Mariah Hart describes their pronoun preferences like this: “Out of drag, I describe myself as "Schrodinger's Gender" because it's up to the other person to observe what I am in that moment. As long as people aren't using the pronouns in a derogatory way, I don't care. In drag, however, strictly They/Them, because aliens have no human gender!”

Educating Others: Spreading the Word

As we wrap up this fabulous journey through the world of drag pronouns, it’s essential to remember that education and awareness are key. Here are some ways you can spread the word and promote respect for pronouns in the drag community:

Lead by Example: Use the correct pronouns for everyone you meet, both in and out of drag. Your actions can inspire others to do the same.

Share Your Knowledge: Talk to your friends, family, and colleagues about the importance of pronouns. Share this guide with them!

Support Drag Performers: Attend drag shows, follow performers on social media, and show your support. The more visibility and appreciation drag artists receive, the more respect their identities will garner.

Be an Ally: Stand up against misgendering and disrespect. If you hear someone using the wrong pronouns, politely correct them. Your advocacy can make a significant difference.

Embrace the Culture, Respect the Pronouns

In this beautiful drag community, pronouns are substantial, and we are capable of having these conversations.